The Troubles of the Millionaire.
SCENE on the veranda of a summer hotel, a perplexed Jewish MILLIONAIRE and M. DE WITTE are in conference. Below the balustrade, the Jewish masses. Tufts of hair shaking in anger, and occasionally a hand waving, threateningly, in annoyance. M. DE WITTE: Lend us one hundred million dollars. PERPLEXED MILLIONAIRE: So cold blooded. (Glancing toward the Masses.) M. DE W.—We will give as security the inns which the Jews used to own, which the Jews— P. M.—Really it is too much. I can lend you no money. M. DE W.—(Haughtily) Very well, I will go and borrow the money from the Christians. I only spoke to you because you are one of my wife's distant relatives. There is at least ten million dollars profit in the business. P. M.—(Hesitates) Profits.... Suffering .... Wall Street asks what guarantees can you give. M. DE W.—There are the Baku Oil Wells, which the Rothschilds own. P. M.—How could we take what belongs to someone else? M. DE W.—How naive you are. Am I not here negotiating with Japan to claim what she possesses. P. M.—(Worried) Yes, that's true, but I can't do that sort of thing. Give us something to base the loan on. M. DE W.—Oh, come now. You can have anything that the revolutionists leave over, or that the Japanese forget to capture. For instance I can let you have a good supply of ikons. P. M.—Really, sir, the thing is impossible. Look at the crowd down there. M. DE W.—As you please, but—there is ten million in the deal. P. M.—(With one eye on the crowd), Well, how about the Jews, what will you do for them? M. DE W.—(Gaily) Why, anything you please! Didn't I risk my happiness in marrying a Jewess? P. M.—(Looking down on the crowd which shows signs of impatience) Will you abrogate the Pale of Settlement? M. DE W.—Certainly. (Aside)—There is nothing about these things in my credentials. If I am alive a year hence, I will certainly try to speak to Nicholas on the subject. P. M.—Was that a vital observation? M. DE W.—Not at all, not at all! Of course, you understand that I cannot put anything in writing for fear the Japanese will get hold of it. They are so cunning, these Japanese! They know I am going to bluff even before I begin to speak. Really, it is very trying. Now you and I, we understand. P. M.—(Anxiously) Now, you are not bluffing me? M. DE W.—On the honor of a Russian statesman.— (Crowd is demonstrating.) P. M.—Please don't get angry. It's all very terrible. You promise me there won't be any more Kishineffs. M. DE W.—Certainly. I tell you what. I'll get the Czar to send all the Jews out of Kishineff, then you may be sure that nothing more will happen there. P. M.—(Much relieved) Thanks ever so much. (Turns to the waiting crowd). M. de Witte wants me to lend Russia one hundred million dollars. OMNES.—Don't. P. M.—He offers ten million dollars profit. OMNES.—Don't accept it. P. M.—He makes promises for the Jews. OMNES.—We make promises too. P. M.—He will stop riots. OMNES.—We shall see to that ourselves. P. M.—Shall we trust him, the— OMNES.—(Becoming restive) Never. P. M.—But he will open the Pale of Settlement, and let the Jews out. VOICE IN THE CROWD.—We can do that now at twenty rubles ahead. P. M.—And there will be no more massacres.