BITS OF JEWISH HUMOR
Taken from a German Collection
On Board Ship
Jacob Holzstein and Samuel Krakauer are on a ship when a storm arises. Everybody is alarmed and goes around wailing and praying. Samuel comes up also howling. Jacob, who has remained calm goes up to Samuel and asks, "What are you hollering about, Sam'l? What are you making such a noise for?" "Why shouldn't I holler," answers Samuel, "when the ship is sinking." "Well, what if it is?" says Jacob, "Is it your ship?"
Another time when the weather was fair, Jacob and Samuel promenade about the deck to kill time, telling stories and riddles.
"Listen, Sam'l," says Jacob, "I'll give you a hard sum to do."
"What is it?" asks Samuel, who has a reputation for being a simpleton.
"It's a hard sum, and if you get it right I'll give you half a dollar."
"Well, let's hear your hard sum."
"Listen! This ship is—let us say—576 feet long, understand?"
"Certainly 476 feet long. Well?"
"And its width is —the ship is say 2713/4 feet wide—see?"
"Why shouldn't I see? 476 feet long and 271¼ feet wide. Well, go ahead."
"Now, when a ship is that long and that wide, how old is the captain?"
"How old is the captain?"
"Yes. You've got to figure it out. But as I said, it's a hard sum and I'll give you until to-morrow morning to work it out. You can think of it during the night."
Next morning they met on deck as us- val. “How long and how wide did you say the ship was?” asks Samuel.
"476 feet long and 271 feet wide." "The captain's age," says Samuel, thoughtfully, "is 25 years and 3 months." Jacob looked astounded. "How did you figure it out?" he falters. "Figure it out?" replies the other, "I went and asked him!"
Luxury
A beggar had received the gift of a shirt. After he had put it on at a lodging house, he experienced such an extraordinary feeling of well-being that he could not refrain from discussing his good fortune with a colleague.
"If I were a rich man" said he, "I'd put on a fresh shirt at least every quarter of a year."
The other laughed uproariously."You chump! A rich man puts on a clean shirt once every month! You needn't believe it if you don't want to."
The beggar was filled with wonder.
"Every month?" said he. "Is it possible? How often then does a very rich man change his shirt?"
"A very rich man changes his shirt surely every two weeks."
"Every two weeks? Wheu! And how often would a duke change his shirt?"
"A duke? Oh, every week!"
"And a prince?"
"A prince? Every day!"
"And a king? How often does a king change his shirt?"
"A king puts on a clean shirt every hour."
"Well—and Rothschild?"
"Rothschild? Rothschild—he pulls on one, takes it off; pulls on another, takes it off; on and off; on and off—"